America's Dumbest City

Well, the title of America's dumbest city officially goes to Boston today. Is it because of their love of the Red Sox? No (but that helps their ranking). It's because they thought the Aqua Teen Hunger Force was coming to get them. Even that idiot Dianne Sawyer laughed at them this morning, and she's borderline retarded!

As a result, I name Boston America's Dumbest City thanks to its
incredible paranoia and then anger because they overreacted. I mean, come on! It's advertising, it's a prank, it's stupid! Why didn't any of the other cities go nuts, lock down, and freak out?

Bravo Boston, Bravo...

Asshole of the Week

This week's selection... Everyone else. In my hotel room today I saw several fun news stories.

First, Michael Vick. First the whole Ron Mexico fiasco, now he is trying to hide pot in a water bottle. Everyone in the country knows that you can't take liquids on the plane, but this genius decides that taking liquids on the plane is the best way to hide his drugs... GENIUS

He's Only Football Smart, not Smart Smart

Then, I see all this crap about Grey's Anatomy. I know the show is popular, but honestly. WHO CARES??? So one guy insulted the other, made dumb remarks in pulbic, etc. I don't even know who the hell T.K. whatever his name is, or the other guy.

And finally, a radio station morning crew is in trouble and may face charges of manslaughter because an adult woman drank too much water and died trying to win a Nintendo Wii. The coverage of this has been awful. People are actually blaming the radio station? This woman was dumb enough to try to enter this contest, signed a release, and they're to blame?? I'm sorry but she is a fucking idiot and everyone that says the radio station is at fault are bigger fucking idiots. Here are a few websites covering this, the first is great calling it so tragic. It sounds like Darwinism to me.

Piss Poor Coverage


I hope they have the Drink Poison to win a PSIII Contest Next. I can't wait to see how many hopeful contestants will drink hemlock and then have their families blame the radio station for their idiocy.

Maybe the real assholes are the public because they seem to be blaming the station and caring about two idiot actors feuding. At least I didn't have to see Dianne Sawyer talk about it though Mr. Robin Roberts isn't much better.

File Under Who Gives a Shit

So CNN, that bastion of high quality, important news is about to name its most controversial celebrity of 2006. Well thank the fucking lord! While that Bush is a bad guy, I really want to know if Mel Gibson or Michael Richards was a bigger asshole. Maybe someone like Britney Spears will surprise us all. Or Maddona will reclaim her rightful title.

All I can say is Who Gives a SHIT?? Is this really how a "legitimate" news organization should be spending its time and money? To be honest, I guess there were no non-celebrity related news items this year. I'm glad to hear that CNN is shedding light on this important issue facing our nation. Celebrities are a cancer that have plauged this country for years. Something must be done to prevent activist judges and liberal groups from allowing celebrities to be forced on our children.

MY list of the most controversial celebrities is...

OJ Simpson - What a move, Mel Gibson needs NEW crime to get noticed. OJ is still getting mileage out of one that's 12 years old.

Kid Rock - Marries then divorces Pamela Anderson in record time. What does this say to the aspiring white trash of America? I thought you were supposed to stay in a bad marriage and yell a lot.

Dianne Sawyer - Weepy women are back. She has to make any worst of list in my book. What a moron.

Michael Richards - How dare he try to have a career? I thought he'd just milk Seinfeld for the rest of time. Plus, I never knew he was funny, that explains a lot.

Jason Alexander - Whoops, he should be on the saddest list.

And the winner is.......

Kato Kailin! I'm shocked that he didn't find a way to get a book and TV deal in the news immediately after OJ came out with his. I guess he's still afraid the "Real Killers" might visit him in the night.

All Creatures Great and Small

What a day, it's only 9:32 and I've seen some great news already!

Danny DeVito got sloshed and went on the View yesterday. That is AWESOME. Good for him.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/475842p-400286c.html

(I posted the link twice to see if it would work)

And then Shamu went batshit and tried to kill his trainer. Apparently this killer whale had tried to throw this particular trainer out of the tank a year ago. I think there's a feud going on here. Of course, Dianne Sawyer was shocked, sounding weepy she asked, "why would this giant sea creature do this?" There are so many things wrong with this statement I don't know where to start...

1) Giant Sea Creature? Does she think a killer whale is some sort of monster from a Jules Verne novel? Shamu is the creature from 30,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the one the squid was afraid of. Or maybe Shamu is some mythical thing to her like the mermaid or the Kraken.

2) Why is anyone surprised when an undomesticated animal that is penned up in an area MUCH smaller than its natural habitat goes crazy? If I was captured by some crazy person and forced to perform tricks for snacks I'd bide my time and wait to fuck him up too! Maybe forcing animals to do amusing tricks isn't wise. I'm interested in seeing what the trainer does now. I wouldn't go back in that tank, I think Shamu knows he didn't kill the guy and will come up with another plan. I'm guessing no one remembers that movie ORCA.

The funniest thing about it was the retarded audience members saying things like, "why did the whale do it?" and "I knew right away that wasn't part of the show." Now if SeaWorld had a show where Shamu ate (or tried to eat) a trainer every time, I'd pay to see that!!

Did I Speak too Soon?

No sooner than I named my first Assholes of the Week and others crawl out of the woodwork wanting the title. Let's look at some runners up...

The American League MVP Voters - How did they NOT give this to Jeter? No Godzilla, No Sheff for the entire year, no pitching and they still finish with the best record in baseball. Why? Derek Jeter.

Diane Sawyer - Just because. This knucklehead fawns over everything. Plus it looks like the rubbed an entire jar of vaseline on the camera that shoots her.

Cosmo Kramer - The heckler was right, you're not funny.

Fox Broadcasting - First you put OJ on, then you take him off. Didn't you know it would upset people??

Diane Sawyer - Whoops, sorry, already mentioned her.

I still think MADD is the winner but man, I guess the holiday weekend brings out the worst in people.

Kramer

It seems that Michael Richards is going on the any publicity is good publicity rule. What an idiot. Maybe he and Mel Gibson can start a USO show or something... I found this on the Web (apparently he was being heckled)...

“Shut up! Fifty years ago we’d have you upside down with a f**king fork up you’re a**,” Richards, 57, screamed.

But the verbal assault didn’t end there. Witnesses said the comic then demanded the patron be removed from the club. “Throw his ass out. He’s a nigger! He’s a nigger! He’s a nigger! A nigger! Look, there’s a nigger!

As the audience gasped, Richards said: “You see? This shocks you. It shocks you to see what’s buried beneath you stupid motherf**kers.”

As audience members started to walk out, the black male chastised Richards for using the n-word and called him a “cracker-a**,” prompting the comic to shoot back: “Cracker-a**? You calling me cracker-a** nigger?

“Are you threatening me? Oh, it’s a big threat. That’s how you get back at the man.”

I just like that his comments make little or no sense. I had no idea he did standup. Of course he's still not as annoying as Dianne Sawyer...

Eight Day Period Recap

Before anyone (Shannon) complains, they are only periodic recaps!

So what have I done? Work, work, work, work, sleep, and a little work.

Worst Meal of the Week
It would have to be the turkey in the church basement. I think it was more salt than meat.

Dumbest Diane Sawyer Sighting
This morning, wondering if Saddam Hussein saw the handwriting on the wall about his hanging when he was dictator. Then they showed an interview she did with him 15 years ago. I'm very surprised she didn't ask him about Melrose Place, Knot's Landing, or his favorite holiday. What a fucking bubblehead.

For some reason it was one of those weeks that blended together. Likely it was a reaction to the week I'm going to have this week. I'm tired and I'm trying to prevent the entire months of November and December from being destroyed with trip after trip of work. When you add Christmas shopping and the household things that fall aside to the mix it's too much.

I remember the Huevos Shancheros, buying the new Who album, watching the Cowboys get beat yesterday, and going to Shannon's grandmother's 90th birthday but that's about it. Beyond that I think my brain is in overdrive so I'm reacting and not thinking.

Caught with his pants down

Now I could care less what people do in their lives. Have sex with whomever you want, do drugs, drink, listen to Pat Boone. Who cares? But I do love this story...

A top evangelical leader who is accused of paying a male prostitute for sex admitted today he contacted his accuser "for a massage" and purchased methamphetamine from him. But the Rev. Ted Haggard said he never had sex with Mike Jones and threw away the drugs.

I think my favorite part is that he bought drugs but threw them away and he got a "massage" but had no sex. Bullshit! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. This is revenge for telling other people how to live. If you keep your mouth shut they don't care when you fuck up.

Now I, for one, don't understand why someone would buy meth if they weren't addicted to it. Isn't that how it works. Billy tries meth with some friends one night and likes it. He does it for free for as long as he can and then his friends say, "dude, this shit costs money. Buy your own or I'll stab you in your sleep." So Billy goes and starts buying his own and gets hooked. Then he starts stealing TVs and grandma's money, selling his mom's doll collection and powertools so he can get more. Then one day he stops using meth because he's dead or in prison or in rehab. The end...

I'm positive there are variations on this theme, but you don't just wake up one day and go to the corner and say, "I've heard quite a bit about this meth and I'd like to partake like all the kids..." And you sure as hell don't start calling male escorts to buy you drugs and not either do them or get rammed in a cheap motel.

So, the next time you think you should tell a stranger how the fuck to live their life, remember this little tale. Some day you will fuck up and look like a jackass and the world will be ready to point and laugh...

I do guess that vapid shithead Dianne Sawyer will interview him at some point and say "What would you say to the people who want an apology from you?"

Begging Children

I swear, the kids are getting worse and worse at dressing up and begging. Come on, it's not like you have to do this more than once a year! The costumes were fair (especially on the older kids). I had a few girls show up in jeans and say they were fashion models.

Beyond that, no one said Trick or Treat. A few did, and I can't fault the tiny tiny children who are unable to do more than grunt and fart. The best were the kids who tried to scare me, at least they were in the spirit of it.

I promise, I won't complain about almost running out of candy. Shannon saved the day with a creative solution and we made it through. Plus we had more kids this year than last year. There must have been 100. There were hordes of kids and parents in the street.

Gripe of October
I don't mind parents driving kids to our neighborhood (it's a safe place to Trick or Treat), I just don't think that once you're in the neighborhood mom and dad should get to drive you around to maximize your candy. RUN! Hustle from house to house. I want to see those little bastards work for it. I can respect that. And that idiot Dianne Sawyer wonders why kids are fat these days.