File Under Who Gives a Shit

So CNN, that bastion of high quality, important news is about to name its most controversial celebrity of 2006. Well thank the fucking lord! While that Bush is a bad guy, I really want to know if Mel Gibson or Michael Richards was a bigger asshole. Maybe someone like Britney Spears will surprise us all. Or Maddona will reclaim her rightful title.

All I can say is Who Gives a SHIT?? Is this really how a "legitimate" news organization should be spending its time and money? To be honest, I guess there were no non-celebrity related news items this year. I'm glad to hear that CNN is shedding light on this important issue facing our nation. Celebrities are a cancer that have plauged this country for years. Something must be done to prevent activist judges and liberal groups from allowing celebrities to be forced on our children.

MY list of the most controversial celebrities is...

OJ Simpson - What a move, Mel Gibson needs NEW crime to get noticed. OJ is still getting mileage out of one that's 12 years old.

Kid Rock - Marries then divorces Pamela Anderson in record time. What does this say to the aspiring white trash of America? I thought you were supposed to stay in a bad marriage and yell a lot.

Dianne Sawyer - Weepy women are back. She has to make any worst of list in my book. What a moron.

Michael Richards - How dare he try to have a career? I thought he'd just milk Seinfeld for the rest of time. Plus, I never knew he was funny, that explains a lot.

Jason Alexander - Whoops, he should be on the saddest list.

And the winner is.......

Kato Kailin! I'm shocked that he didn't find a way to get a book and TV deal in the news immediately after OJ came out with his. I guess he's still afraid the "Real Killers" might visit him in the night.

Did I Speak too Soon?

No sooner than I named my first Assholes of the Week and others crawl out of the woodwork wanting the title. Let's look at some runners up...

The American League MVP Voters - How did they NOT give this to Jeter? No Godzilla, No Sheff for the entire year, no pitching and they still finish with the best record in baseball. Why? Derek Jeter.

Diane Sawyer - Just because. This knucklehead fawns over everything. Plus it looks like the rubbed an entire jar of vaseline on the camera that shoots her.

Cosmo Kramer - The heckler was right, you're not funny.

Fox Broadcasting - First you put OJ on, then you take him off. Didn't you know it would upset people??

Diane Sawyer - Whoops, sorry, already mentioned her.

I still think MADD is the winner but man, I guess the holiday weekend brings out the worst in people.