Ruined My Life

Thursday, November 30, 2006

All Creatures Great and Small

What a day, it's only 9:32 and I've seen some great news already!

Danny DeVito got sloshed and went on the View yesterday. That is AWESOME. Good for him.

(I posted the link twice to see if it would work)

And then Shamu went batshit and tried to kill his trainer. Apparently this killer whale had tried to throw this particular trainer out of the tank a year ago. I think there's a feud going on here. Of course, Dianne Sawyer was shocked, sounding weepy she asked, "why would this giant sea creature do this?" There are so many things wrong with this statement I don't know where to start...

1) Giant Sea Creature? Does she think a killer whale is some sort of monster from a Jules Verne novel? Shamu is the creature from 30,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the one the squid was afraid of. Or maybe Shamu is some mythical thing to her like the mermaid or the Kraken.

2) Why is anyone surprised when an undomesticated animal that is penned up in an area MUCH smaller than its natural habitat goes crazy? If I was captured by some crazy person and forced to perform tricks for snacks I'd bide my time and wait to fuck him up too! Maybe forcing animals to do amusing tricks isn't wise. I'm interested in seeing what the trainer does now. I wouldn't go back in that tank, I think Shamu knows he didn't kill the guy and will come up with another plan. I'm guessing no one remembers that movie ORCA.

The funniest thing about it was the retarded audience members saying things like, "why did the whale do it?" and "I knew right away that wasn't part of the show." Now if SeaWorld had a show where Shamu ate (or tried to eat) a trainer every time, I'd pay to see that!!

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Damn it!

I stand corrected... Everytime I pick an Asshole of the Week, ten minutes later I read an article that makes me more angry. Here it is...

I love IHOP, but now I'm not so sure I can ever go there again. Facists!

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Assholes of the Week

I think this week I'm going to pick everyone outside my house as the Assholes of the Week. Why? Well there are a lot of issues in the world that are a mess, but several states have decided they want to play Big Brother and tell people they can't smoke in their own cars if their kids are present. I'd really like to see the government stay the hell out of my life.

I saw this on the Today show because I couldn't stomach watching GMA this morning. Everything is so damn precious or shocking. The Weepy Women are making a giant comeback.

I don't understand the desire to tell people what they can and can't do. I might tell people they're stupid a lot but I don't want to control their actions. There is a fine line between legislating safety and being my mother.

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